But I Have To
by wrapyourarmsaroundme
Summary: When Edward leaves Bella in the forest, he thinks it's the right thing to do. No matter how much it hurts him, he'll do anything he thinks will keep Bella safe. Breathe Songfic. No copyright infringement intended.


But I Have To

Summary:  
When Edward leaves Bella in the forest, he thinks it's the right thing to do. No matter how much it hurts him, he'll do anything he thinks will keep Bella safe.  
Bella and Edward POV's. Breathe by Taylor Swift ft. Colbie Calliat songfic.

Edward's Point of View.  
_I see your face in my mind as I drive away_

"It's the right thing to do." I chanted to myself as I sped through the forest, away from her.  
Although it would hurt her at first, she would get over me. A part of me wanted to go back and beg for forgiveness for even daring to try such an abdominal act. But I couldn't. No matter how much it hurt me, no matter how much torture it would be for me to be without her for the rest of eternity, I had to.

_'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way_

When I was sure there was no chance of going any further, I broke down. I fell onto the ground and cried out the tears that would never come. Bella could be happy now. She would have the chance to fall in love... In love with something other than a monster. In love with someone who could make her truly happy.  
My Bella needed that chance. No. She wasn't [i]my[/i] Bella anymore. She was someone else's Bella. Maybe not now, but soon. One day she would find someone who would cherish her, someone who would grow old with her. Someone who could give her a birthday present and not have to worry about her getting killed because of a paper cut.

_People are people and sometimes we change our minds_

I thought back to when I'd first met her. Mike and all the other deplorable high school boys wanted her to be their's. I coughed up a sad laugh when I remembered how I wanted to wring their necks for it.

They just thought of her as something of a toy. Now, to think of it, I was doing the same thing. I just left her in the forest. I didn't tell her a real reason why.

'You're no good for me' is hardly a plausible excuse.

It wasn't even the truth.

I loved her.

With all my heart.

I just left her in the forest. Alone. And crying.

_But it's killing me to see you go after all this time_

And now she's out of my life forever.

Bella's Point of View.

_Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie_

"He's gone." I whimpered to myself.

He was gone forever.

My heart. My soul. My being.

All gone with him.

_It's the kind of ending you don't really want to see_

I don't know how long I stayed there. Laying on the ground.

I was bound to have cuts and bruises. I fell over more the once.

But I was numb. I just kept on replaying the most bleak moment of my life in my head.

"You... don't... want me?" I had whispered hopelessly.

"No." When he'd said that two letter word I became completely numb.

Only until he'd left had the realisation hit me.

_'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down_

And now I was laying on Charlie's old sofa under multiple blankets.

I was still cold. Shivering. But I knew it wasn't the temperature that was making me tremble.

It was the fact I had nothing.

Sure I still had people who loved me. But I didn't have him. I couldn't say his name. It hurt too much.

_Now I don't know what to be without you around_

Complete agony.

From my fingers to my toes. It all hurt so much.

I was somnolent. But sleep couldn't take me.

Not yet.

Whatever I had done wrong, I was suffering for it.

_And we know it's never simple never easy_

After what felt like hours of anguish, unconsciousness finally took over me.

But just because I was asleep, it didnt mean I didn't experience pain.

I dreamt of him again.

Him disappearing into the forest and me stupidly trying to follow him. Of course I knew I would never catch up to him. But I had to. I had to try.

_Never a clean break no one here to save me_

When I woke, I remembered about what the doctor had said about my leg last Spring in Phoenix.

"A clean break" He had said. "It should heal up faster."

Maybe that's what _he_ wanted. A clean break. Easier to forget.

Just that thought made me crack and I started crying again.

_You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

I knew he wanted me to move on. He said I'd forget about him in time. But I didn't want to.

I loved him.

And I knew once, he had loved me.

_And I can't breathe without you_

I couldn't live without him. Not fully anyway.

I would try though. Like he'd asked.

For Charlie. For Renee . For him.

_But I have to breathe without you, but I have to_

I had to keep safe.

No matter how much it hurt me, no matter how much torture it would be for me to be without him for the rest of my life, I had to. For him.

Edward's Point of View.

_It's two a.m feeling like I just lost a friend, hope you know it's not easy for me_

After I had found the strength the come out of my ball of sorrow, I ran.

I ran to no particular place. I just kept on going.

I ran to Seattle. Then to Port Angeles. And ran to Denali to see my family.

Esme's joy was cut off when I had told them that I wasn't going to stay.

I had made up my mind by then. I had decided that I would find Victoria.

Leaving Bella like that was unforgivable. Even if it was the right thing to do.

I had promised myself that I would keep her safe. So I was going to hunt Victoria down.

I had to find her and her fiery red hair before she got her vengeance. On Bella.

Bella's Point of View

_It's two a.m feeling like I just lost a friend, hope you know this ain't easy for me_

I had been four months into my daze when Charlie finally gave up.

He wanted to send me to my Mum in Florida. Of course I didn't want that.

He needed me. I couldn't leave him. It wasn't fair.

But there was also another reason that I didn't tell my Dad.

I also wanted to stay because he might come back.

I loved him and I just couldn't give up.

I had started hanging around with Jacob Black. He was like my sun. He brought the sunshine back into my life.

Although it would never be the same, he was my best friend.

Edward's Point of View.

_And we know it's never simple never easy, never a clean break no one here to save me_

I hadn't been going to well on my search.

I'd only caught scent of her a few times. And those scent's led to nothing.

I missed Bella.

So much.

I tried not to think of her but that proved impossible.

My phone was ringing and the caller I.D was Rosalie. I'd ignored it the past seven times she'd rung but decided that I would pick it up now so I could concentrate without having a buzzing sound in my pocket every minute.

"Hello?" I said into the phone.

"Edward. It's about time you picked up! Do you know how long I've been trying to call you?!" I hung up on her. I had more important things to do than listen to her complain.

Just as quick as I'd hung up, the phone started ringing again.

"What do you want Rosalie?" I growled into the phone.

"It's Bella."

"What about her?"

"Alice went over to Forks." My breathing stopped and i was suddenly angry.

"WHY? I told her not to interfere! Doesn't she listen to anyone?"

"She had a vision..."

I didn't answer so she kept on talking.

"Bella's dead Edward. She jumped off a cliff."

I dropped the phone.

My Bella wasn't alive.

I had done this.

If i had never come into her life, this would never had happened.

It was my fault.

Before I knew it. I was already onto a plane to Italy.

If she was gone then I would go too.

_I can't breathe without you but I have to_

Bella's Point of View.

I'd say I don't know why I did it but that would be a lie.

I know well and truly why I did it.

Not to kill myself obviously, I promised him.

I jumped off that cliff to see him.

It may sound stupid but that was the only way I knew how.

It was Adrenalin or something but whenever something dangerous was happening to me, I would see him.

_Breathe without you but I have to_

Jacob had saved me. If it wasn't for him, I would have probably died by now.

I had had the shock of my life when Alice arrived at my house.

The reason she came was because she thought I was dead and wanted to comfort Charlie.

When she had gotten a phone call from Rosalie saying that Edward had gone to Italy to get killed I had to help stop him.

I didn't care that he didn't love me. I loved him and if jumping off that cliff didn't do the job, his death would.

Jacob had tried to stop me but I couldn't stay. I just couldn't.

The race was on. We had to hurry, Edward was dead set on dying.

Jacob wasn't happy because I was helping save a vampire and Alice wasn't happy because I had had a werewolf for a best friend.

_Breath without you but I have to_

Edward's Point of View.

Aro decided that he wouldn't kill me when I asked so I had to do it the other way.

I had to expose us.

I decided to go for the easiest way.

Go into the sunlight. They'd have no choice if I did.

Just as I was about to take my shirt off, I heard a beautiful voice.

It was calling my name.

I disregarded it. It was probably my mind replaying Bella one last time.

Then I heard it again. It was getting clearer.

I closed my eyes and took a step but felt something slam into me.

I looked down and was completely astonished at who I saw.

"Bella?"

"Edward! Don't do it!" She yelled.

I pulled her up and kissed her. I kissed her because I missed her. Because I thought she was gone. And because I loved her.

I knew she didn't love me back. She would have moved on by now. But I still needed to.

"I love you." She whispered but I heard her clearly.

I was completely shocked. How could she still love me after what I had done to her? I had no idea but I wasn't going to reject her. I was too selfish to.

"As I love you." I replied and took her back into my arms.

At that moment, I felt like I wasn't a monster. Like I still had a heart beat. Like I was soft and warm like the beautiful woman I was so lucky to have.

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry _

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

Thanks for reading!!

Pretty crumby ending I know but this is my first fanfic so be nice.. OR I'LL VIRTUALLY SLAP YOU! I'm joking. Lol.

I missed out a verse and a couple of lines to make it shorter because have you ever spent 3 1/2 hours at a computer writing something?

The reason I wrote this is because I'm watching New Moon in exactly - 3.22 hours and I'm way too excited to knit or something.. Oh yeah.

Just want to put it out there, I CANT KNIT NOW!

Yes. B------ can knit. After trying to learn off the internet for a year and a half I learnt from a teacher. yyeeaahahoooohhhhhyyeeaahhhhh!


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